My NO-BULLSHIT Philosophy on Ex Girlfriends

6 thoughts on “My NO-BULLSHIT Philosophy on Ex Girlfriends”

1. August 7, 2012 at 1:32 amJohn

   Hi Alex,
   I’ve been Reading your blog for a while now and all I can say is thank you and you are absolutely right in all aspects.

   The universe is a funny place, one day your happy the next your sad and most of it is human contact. When it come to exs you really do need to ask yourself , do I want them? Not need them but want them.
   It’s human nature to miss someone, it’s our nature to want to keep them and live with them forever, but this day and age it’s not like that. But to answer this you need to have a clear, educated and emotion controlled answer, clarity is what your after when you ask yourself this question. The NC rule is a must and it needs to go for as long as it needs to , I think people are using this time for the wrong reasons, it’s to help YOU not make your ex miss you,

   I have had a hard time in the last year in my life and I find using this for myself works a lot better than using it about my ex, the first time I did it , it was all about her, I focused nothing but her, it didn’t work. It’s because I completely used it the wrong way, now though i understand it’s meaning and use. At the moment I’m using a fake smile, at work, family, friends and socially, i don’t like this fake smile, but I can’t wait till my real one shows, because I need to be happy with myself before anything else. You are right about keeping busy, trying new things and meeting new people, it helps because it’ lets you look after you your way, it doesn’t just help distract but it uses the energy you would use on your ex for yourself and that where honesty comes in, you have to be 100% honest with yourself, not what you think you think it is but hard honest facts. That’s when the healing starts, day by day, week by week, month by month.

   Whether your the break up initiater or the one dumped, you have to look at why? You can’t know why until you have clarity, to put emotion aside and see, it also helps decide if you want them back or not, I have found that if you were dumped they don’t want you back plain and simple, crying begging, pleading does nothing at all, trust me I’ve done it. To me now if you wee dumped that’s it end of story ,move on, if your the dumper you need to ask yourself why? And will it happen again?

   I see a lot of ways of getting your ex back and meeting new women ect but it all come down to you and how you perceive yourself to others, my fake smile shows I’m strong and happy, at the moment I’m not deep down I’m Hurt, I will not show that side of me again , I’ll do it on my own in my time, I find some programs are counter productive and most of these things should not be used until you have a clear mind. Do it to early and it can make things worse.

   Above all be yourself, be who you are if you feel need a strength in an area about yourself then fix it don’t change it fix it, opportunities arise at the most unexpected times, I’m studying now, I’m learning Spanish, starting to play the guitar soon and I’m socialising, it’s a slow process but I’m enjoying it. And you know what? It’s all for me no one else.

   I ramble a lot but I had to get this off my chest

   PS get his ex girlfriend guide, it’s awesome I love it and I refer to it when I need to, just remember you need to be strong it comes from within it can’t be read or seen

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2. August 7, 2012 at 2:08 pmAlex

   Powerful stuff John, powerful stuff. I’m only glad that you “had to get it off your chest”…

   Thank you so much for your insightful comment and kind words – I am sure that it will be useful to a lot of guys out there who are in the same situation as you have been in!

   I can’t pick out one thing you’re saying which is better or truer than the rest; it’s simply a great summary of a lot of what goes into actually getting over your ex girlfriend and moving on in a healthy way.

   All the best from me and stay strong!
   Alex

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3. August 9, 2012 at 8:14 pmTom

   I Like your ‘get shit done’ attitude. This is what a lot of guys in the game need to adopt some of them think of it as if they are changing themselves but this isn’t the case its more a case of just going for what you want!

   Tom

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4. August 13, 2012 at 8:52 amLoso

   Me and my ex-girlfriend have broken up several times and have always managed to get back together–7 years of off an on relationships. It is an uphill battle for the most part. There are days I just feel like she is the one for me, and then there are days when I know she isn’t. I am really trying to stop the cycle of off and on with her. This last time we were together i was more open and honest with her, only to open the lines of the communication–people say that is the key to a happy relationship, well needless to say that didn’t work. I offered that we spend more time in church learning the Word–I am pretty spiritual and let God be the foundation that we never really had in the past 7 years, but even that didn’t work I don’t think that I followed through like I was supposed to.

   Needless to say I told her that i was not ready for kids, or marriage just yet, but I was ready to be with her and eventually get to that point–it is more of a financial thing than anything else. I need to set and financially stable before i commit in that capacity.

   She started to drift away–no explanation at all, but if i know her like I think I do it is because she asked me for some money and I did not give to her because I knew she didn’t really need it–had she needed it i would have given it to her (at least from my opinion) and I know she probably feels that if I didn’t give it to her it means that i don’t care about her well-being… etc.. (not to count the countless times that i have been there for her financially).

   We stopped talking–this is the most candidly that i have spoken about us, on a blog at that, but it is something about sharing those feelings. So just recently i saw her on a date with another dude. It really made my heart sink, but now i am stuck feeling like i want her back. Her birthday is coming up really soon, and I want to get her something.. She is turning the big 30–yea we started when we were like 23/24 year old. I don’t know what I want to do? I am at a lost for action right now, which is totally contrary to your blog posting …. What should i do, and if i don’t call or reach out to her would that definitely ensure that we are not going to be together anymore?

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5. October 8, 2012 at 8:51 amMike

   Very straight to the point, and true. Some great comments happening here too. Figuring out if you want your ex back or to move on can be the hardest part sometimes.

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6. October 27, 2012 at 9:40 amAlex

   I completely agree Mike. But it’s also one of the most important things to figure out as it lays the foundation for everything else!

   What makes it easier though is to start by getting over her, and THEN get her back (if you STILL think that she’s wonderful but don’t NEED her anymore)… At least that’s 10 times easier than doing it the other way around.

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