What Would You Like to See in my ‘Getting Over Your Ex Girlfriend’ eBook?

22 thoughts on “What Would You Like to See in my ‘Getting Over Your Ex Girlfriend’ eBook?”

1. March 8, 2009 at 7:06 pmAaron

   Get her out of your head – even if you don’t feel like dating again right away, don’t isolate yourself. Hang out with friends, go do fun things. Find ways to fill your time, preferably new things that don’t remind you of her. It’ll help break any mental patterns that drift back to her, plus when you do feel like dating again, you’ll be in a position to meet women and suggest fun things to do.

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2. March 8, 2009 at 8:14 pmBrent G

   I Think Somewhere at the end of this Ebook your writing you should have a section about after moving on: how to get a new girl or do other great things to help the “moving on” process”, but what you stated,”personal stories (with comments, maybe?), interviews, tips, tricks, techniques, mindsets, etc.” All that seems like you got a good,solid book yet to come, would like to read it soon!

   Also would like to say, been a big fan of your blogs, you helped me out a bunch, some of your techniques were ideas I had in my head but I could never know how to turn those ideas into habits I could follow. Because of your ways that I am following: I’m dating a girl who people think she looks like a model, but for me I’m dating her because she has a heart of gold.

   People who break up, need to know there’s always someone better out there, you should show them they can find that. Maybe, if they’re lucky, they will end up with something I got right now!

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4. March 9, 2009 at 12:44 amScott D

   Definitely include a way to track your progress, such as scale questions that a reader can ask himself (e.g. “How often do I think about her?”, “How much does it hurt when I think about her?” , “Are thoughts of her getting in the way of me living my life?”)

   Perhaps a small section about how to choose the right therapist would be useful, for those guys (and I was one of them, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about!) who need professional help battling the depression that often accompanies a break-up.

   Alex, if you want to use my story from the forums in your eBook you are more than welcome to.

   -Scott D

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5. March 9, 2009 at 3:39 amWill

   How to know when you’re ready to get into another serious relationship. What to learn from your past relationship. How to not repeat mistakes.

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6. March 9, 2009 at 8:24 pmYavor

   How to behave once you meet her again at a party or something. How to behave normally as if she’s just an acquaintance and NOT as if she is a girl you once loved dearly (which she IS).

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7. March 9, 2009 at 8:56 pmJustin

   How to notice her subtle cues that she’s just not that into you anymore.

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8. March 9, 2009 at 10:39 pmAdam

   I suggest some summarised guides, they could be at the end of the book. For example, one could be “broken up but wanting to get back with her even though you can’t”, it could include things like “don’t contact her at all, remove all reminders of her from your place” etc.

   I think sometimes short summaries at the end of sections can be good to refer to for e refresher and to keep you on track.

   Like that you’re doing the book though, will look forward to checking it out once you’ve finished.

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9. March 10, 2009 at 5:36 amVictor

   To expand on what justin wrote, I would like to see a section on noticing the signs of a failing relationship, some are obvious, and some are more subtle. It would help greatly to be able to see that ahead of time and maybe end the relationship yourself in turn saving both of you hassle.

   Also, after you’re over the girl and dating again, i’d like to see a section on how to be more of a challenge to girls. This is something I have no problem with in the beginning, but once I start to like the girl that changes and I find myself feeling needy by calling to say hi or just talk. Some general guidelines on remaining a challenge while keeping her into you in the long run would be MUCH appreciated :)

   Let us know how it goes

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10. March 11, 2009 at 4:13 pmRyan

    I definitely agree with Victor on a section of after you’re over her and how to be more of a challenge for the next girl. That would be really good to know.

    My suggestion is this: When my gf broke up with me, one thing that made it so hard to get over her was that I kept thinking that she was an amazing person. I kept putting her up on the metaphorical pedestal. I kept trying to justify everything that she did to me. Through reading the posts on your “how to get over your ex-girlfriend page”, the guys on there were able to help me realize that maybe she really wasn’t all that great. The fact that she hurt me so much (and repeatedly) meant that she wasn’t the girl I thought she was. I had this fictional perception in my mind of the amazing person I thought she was but, in reality, she hurt me so many times (mainly by coming back to me time and time again). So I think a really useful section in the book would be a section on how to “villianize” (maybe too harsh a word) your ex. For me, the thing that helped the most in getting over her was when I stopped trying to think that she was perfect and realized the person she actually was.

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11. March 11, 2009 at 7:51 pmAlex

    Wow guys! Thank you so much for taking the time to write what you think – I really appreciate it!

    This is going to be reaaal’ good.

    Keep them coming :-)

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12. March 11, 2009 at 11:06 pmTed

    I’ll second Ryan’s suggestion of “villianizing” the ex, although I’d prefer to phrase it as taking a “brutally honest retrospective”. Also, there’s no real reason to personally tear down an ex in my opinion (unless she truly was abusive) because we all have character flaws, and I don’t think Ryan is really suggesting this. Rather, the topic at hand is about ways to scrutinize the relationship and get her off the pedestal.

    Case in point: Similar to Ryan, my ex broke up with me two months ago. The relationship was great and it was a hard blow. But, thinking back, there was a major schism in regards to religion, and I found myself not sharing my views as much as I normally would for fear of offending her religious sensibilities. Having to hold back for reasons like this isn’t what I consider part of an intimate relationship. I must admit I’m a bit relieved now that it’s over.

    Alex, all of your awesome articles I’ve read could be distilled into a simple principle: “Stay cool and be the man!” So, my other suggestions for the ebook fall into two categories:

    1. Strategies to regain your cool and salvage your manhood
    2. Examples of how the “Stay cool and be the man!” principle play out in various situations that would otherwise be awkward.

    Examples, respectively:

    1. 60 day no-contact rule
    2. “Help! She just asked me if I want to go on a week-long beach trip a month from now because she thinks we’re ‘still friends’. What now?”

    Also, to everyone, I highly recommend seeing the movie “The Tao of Steve”, or at very least reading the Wikipedia entry.

    Cheers,

    Ted

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13. March 15, 2009 at 7:38 amJake

    This is going to be quite the undertaking Alex, but I think you’re the man to do it.

    I actually first visited your website almost a year ago when I when I got dumped by my ex gf. I was a horrible mess and was really screwed up for a long time.

    I think there’s several aspects to getting over a breakup that you could try.

    In my case, I was living with this girl for 3 years and moving around with her for her career. We had pets we bought together, furniture, a ton of stuff. Long story short, she starts eyeing a doctor who is in our circle of friends and basically tosses me on my ass with nothing and starts dating the doctor within a month of our breakup.

    She, along with the dogs and everything else, now lives with the guy and my town is small enough to where I occasionally see them out. The other week I actually saw her boyfriend walking my dog (Nice).

    Needless to say I spent the better part of 2008 as a train wreck. I read so many books and articles on how to get your ex back and how to get over your ex. Some helped, some did absolutely nothing. I even got into shape, started landing other chicks, but I was still really screwed up.

    I talked to everyone who would listen about how bad this chick fucked me up, got a ton of advice – again, some good, some bad.

    So, almost a year later and ton better I have learned a few things. They are in no particular order and I’m just going to type them as they come to me.

    1. Everyone is different. Don’t think that you’re nuts because your devastated and it affects your life in ways you never thought possible.

    2. NO FREAKIN’ CONTACT – early on I made the mistake of doing the pathetic things to try to win her back. Bad mistake, lesson learned.

    3. Time can be a bitch. Time moves slow when you’re all screwed up. The night time can be the worst, lying in bed and just thinking.

    Time is also what is going to help you though.

    4. Don’t take everyone’s advice. Some people mean well, but aren’t necessarily going to point in the right direction.

    This is also about vulnerability. When you’re in hell because you’re heartbroken, most people, at least I, was seriously vulnerable.

    But at the same time, understand that not everyone wants to hear your sob story.

    5. Be aware of your emotions. Try to take emotional stock of what you’re feeling when you feel anger, jealously, heartbreak, rage

    Understand that all the bad emotions, especially anger, are very seductive and can eat you alive if you let it. And it’s easy to do.

    Also, if you think you might benefit from seeing a professional therapist do it. There’s no shame in it and you might find that you’re also dealing with other things (past issues) that were never properly addressed.

    6. Be careful with the alcohol. Most of the time when we read books or see movies about some poor sap who just lost his girl he’s in a bar drinking. Again, be careful. You’re emotions are all screwed up and you might drink more than you really wanted to and end up doing something that can be detrimental.

    7. Keep busy. This one is a no brainer. Exercise.

    8. This goes along with the NO CONTACT rule. Do not look at her myspace or facebook page or blog (de-friend her from those sites). Do not email her.

    If she emails you, don’t respond.

    Don’t try to do things that you think will get her attention. Such as, posting “MY EX IS BITCH” on your facebook page.

    9. Stop waiting for her to call. She probably won’t. And if she’s does, what could you possibly talk about?

    Delete her number from your phone.

    10. Buy the movie “Swingers” Watch it several times. Take note of the message.

    Okay, that’s about all I can think of right now, but I know there’s many, many more.

    Good luck on the book Alex, I look forward to reading it.

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14. March 16, 2009 at 4:32 amAl

    I recently broke up from my first serious relationship and I came to your website to find advice on what I can do to get over it. Could you include in your ebook, I guess a time table on what is the logical progression of emotions and around what times how you should be feeling and also just incorporate stories on how people do move on and that although you may think this person was amazing, you are going to find someone better. Also, can you incorporate information on how to cope with the thoughts you have? Cause like after you break up you only start thinking of the good times and are unsure of yourself and that’s just wrong because you wouldn’t have broken up if things were hunky dory. Also when you think of her how you reconcile the person you think of fondly and the bitchy person.

    One last thing, can you write about how to cope with the fact that she has moved on and found someone else? How to positively accept that rather than do negative, destructive stuff such as comparing yourself to the new guy and thinking you’re not as good and stuff like that.

    I look forward to reading your ebook :).

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15. March 16, 2009 at 7:08 amVictor

    I wanted to add some more stuff:

    You helped me out big time a little while ago Alex when you replied to my email. The advice that you gave me was “think of the breakup as a beginning to something new, not the end of something that has been”

    Some lessons I have learned:
    -Face your emotions when you need to: feel crappy for a bit, you will bounce back.

    -It’s not the end of the world, there are many girls that will appreciate you more for who you are

    -Don’t lie to yourself: If she left you because of something you did then face that character fault and work on it. I can’t tell you how ridiculous it is to hear from a guy that his girlfriend broke his heart by dumping him because he liked getting drunk often (I don’t see why he was surprised…)

    -I second the no contact thing: my breakup was prolonged because I saw her twice a week in a dance class…

    -Force yourself to meet new people:

    I started going out to nightclubs with a like minded friend every weekend. The initial day out I had the intention of trying out ridiculous pickup lines simply to get over the anxiety of opening conversations with unknown girls with the ultimate goal of getting rejected. I went up to a girl with a bottle of moisturizer and asked her if she would like some as it was a dry night. With a bewildered look on her face she held out her hand, but didn’t rub in the moisturizer until I did it myself. I had a good time with that line. Surprisingly, holding out two marbles and asking “have you seen my balls” as an opener got a lot of laughs! Started some conversations even, possibly because it’s not an approach they get often.

    After you’re done with that, progress to starting conversations normally with groups of girls and see how it goes. Be genuine with them. Tell them you’re out making new friends or meeting new people for the hell of it.

    One last thing, avoid drinking. In fact I would say do not drink at all, it will become a crutch. You should be able to talk to anyone you feel like WITHOUT alcohol.

    Also, consider avoiding the obviously drunk girls: The first night I went out, this girl grabbed me on the dance floor as I was walking across… and lets just say that I don’t know how we didn’t get kicked out… But eventually my brain took command and I will never forget the look she gave me when I turned her down for going back to her place. Too awesome :D

    Anyways, hope this is useful to someone

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16. March 18, 2009 at 7:46 pmBill

    How about a suggestion of what not to assume?

    Don’t assume that everyone has bunches of friends to to support them or to go out and do things with. Some people aren’t gregarious and may have a very small circle of acquaintances some of which may be loyal to the ex.

    Don’t assume everyone lives in a large metro area. Some people still live in communities so small that they have only 1 bar. Even though that’s extreme, don’t assume that there are dozens of venues options for people. Hell, some people may not even LIKE going to bars!

    Don’t assume someone has significant dating experience. Make sure that what you talk about is as valid for someone’s first breakup as it is for their twenty-first.

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17. March 20, 2009 at 3:05 amScott D

    Kind of going along with what Bill said about the relevance of the advice contained within the eBook, I think it may be a good idea to have a different set of tips and advice depending on what kind of relationship it was. For instance, it’s a bit unreasonable to suggest someone go to therapy for depression if they recently broke up with their girlfriend of three weeks. Similarly, it’s nearly impossible for a guy suffering from depression after the end of a five-year marriage to make himself go to bars and meet new women right away. The situations are very different, so I think the suggested progression should be different as well.

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18. May 9, 2009 at 1:36 amAnhony (England)

    How to deal with when she has moved on in a relationship with somebody new…..and explain why it is normal to have thoughts about them together and feel eat up inside at night..unless I am just a weirdo hahaha

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19. May 9, 2009 at 1:54 amAnhony (England)

    Jake….duuuuuuuuuude! Your story is so so scarily similar to mine, I seen the guy with my dog today and i was crushed. I hope you are well now?

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20. May 18, 2009 at 10:38 pmJim

    Alex (and many others who have contributed your thoughts and comments) I cant thank you all enough! I would keep many of the same topics you have covered in your book including the No Contact rule which I must admit is the hardest part for myself. Like others I wish I would have seen these stories about eight months ago. I have heard some say that it takes hitting rock bottom before you commit to change. I think rock bottom was yesterday and Alex and the rest of you have helped in making a change. It all started when I began dating her five years ago and eventually moved into a house in the NW Chicago burbs with her. Early times had highs and lows. I began to realize it was turbulent because of her social disorder. She has a hard time communicating and even harder time dealing with public situations. It all came to a head at my Brother’s wedding were she had a typical breakdown and didn’t want to be there. Being best man I could not deal with that, and decided for a change to have a good time. The next day the relationship was done. I did not have the advice of Alex at that time and remained in contact with her. A few months later she came crying to me wanting to give it another chance. I set conditions that she would have to seek professional help and apologize to me and some of my friends. She began seeing a counselor and those sessions and medication really helped. She really turned the corner and I was in deeper love with her than ever. Eventually though the old personality surfaced and she began going to the counselor less and then stopped. Overall I could not get her to communicate her feelings to me and any of my social events were like walking on egg shells waiting for her to be sick of being there and creating a scene. I know it sounds odd for a guy needing a women to open up (my friends always said I was the chick of the relationship) but if I was going to marry her (and I was …we picked out a ring) I needed our relationship to be about us to work. Not just me or her (if that makes sense). Anyway eight months ago I came home and could tell she was upset. Her gf was getting married and wondered why we weren’t. I again went over what needed to change for us to be married and was willing to work with her. She said she wasn’t willing to work on things and that she is who she is. I didn’t see any reason for trying to work with someone who isn’t willing to do the same so I moved out. Early on it was ok. A bit lonely, but ok and she still wanted to remain friends. The Non Contact rule wasn’t in place and soon I began helping her with things and talking with her. The second hammer fell when I lost my job. I think that fired up my need to be with someone and I began to miss her more and obsess over things like face book and pictures. Rock bottom was yesterday when I altered my route to go workout and saw the new boyfriends car in her parents driveway for dinner. I had an “aggressive” workout but came home and started looking up info about him! Pathetic I know. Eventually I stopped and said what the hell am I doing. I found a post of Alex’s about getting over an EX and have since deleted all pics and numbers. I know I should have done it awhile ago but reading others situations and writing this really does help. Id use a few examples in the book , stress the no contact and possibly delve into why so many of us take it to this level. I mean in my instance I have taken the pain of playing college and semi-pro football with separated shoulders and chronic injuries yet struggle so much moving on from someone who didn’t treat me in supportive way? Its crazy! I am open to any feedback. Thanks again all of you.

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21. October 12, 2009 at 7:16 pmdoowb

    i would love to know what to do in this situation: I broke up with my ex just to try and work on some things myself. I meet another girl who i think i perfect for me. Then i see my ex starting to date all these other guys and i start thinking about her all the time now. Now i think im in love with two girls. they both love me as well. What have i gotten myself into guys?

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22. October 15, 2009 at 2:44 pmJessy

    When my boyfriend and I are out at our usual bar and his ex shows up we have to leave and then he obsesses about it for days (to me). They broke up 7 months ago. How about some advice for men on what to do if they see the ex out. And remind them that they should talk about feelings with a guy friend and not the new girlfriend.

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